Helping People Workshop Handout

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Change

How many of the people you are involved with have something in their life that needs to change? Change is a huge topic and there is a lot of controversy about how, and if, it happens. What comes to mind for you on this topic? What are the arguments?

Nature/Nurture
Personality Type or Choice
Does God need to do it or can we do it ourselves?
What does it take to change?
Is it best to change our thoughts, or actions?
Can we change our feelings?

The first thing that came up for me when looking to address this topic was a question. What is your view on people, problems, and personality?

We had to write an essay on this at uni. I could ask the same of you but I think it is more useful to give you some info on the topic. However, what do you think about people, problems and personality? Why is it that two people can have similar experiences; one will be ruined by it, and the other will be fine? What gives us resiliency in life and what can we change to become more resilient?

What makes most sense to me so far is David Riddell’s model. It is when we have on the mind of Christ, i.e., when we are telling ourselves the truth, that we are most resilient. It is about staying in reality and always acknowledging the big picture. To be blunt, the worst thing that can happen to me on earth is that I could be tortured and die, or loose somebody I love, however the big picture, the truth or reality, is that this life is only but a blink of an eye in comparison to the eternity that I have before me. That may sound like cold comfort, but it is not, and it is exactly what comforted Jesus in the garden. It is what held him true to course in his Mission. Life can still hurt but we can cope when we live in the truth. Resilience is therefore about our like-mindedness to Christ. Our choice to live in reality in all areas of our thinking and life.

That is the theory in a nutshell and if you get that in the five minutes you are doing better than me.

How does that apply day in and day out with the people you are helping in your life?

In my discussions with people I am helping I always look for lies they are telling themselves, areas that they are not living in reality, or dualisms, or inconsistencies in their thinking. I then point them out to them. Not in a judgemental way, but a pragmatic way. I speak the truth into their lives, subtly or frankly depending on the situation. In this way I believe I am leading them to Christ, healthy living, delivering them from evil, and building their resilience.

Changing ones beliefs, thinking, and actions is not easy. Have you ever tried to change something in yourself?

What did you try to change?

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How did you try to change it?

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Did it work?
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How long did it take?

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Change is not easy. It is difficult, and it gets more difficult as we get older. You have a huge advantage in working with young people in that you get to help them change patterns in their mind before they get too deep. We literally dig grooves in our mind with habits that literally get harder to change as we age. That is how the brain works. Until you get really old, then all the patterns fall out whether you want them to or not J.

There are four factors that are necessary for change to take place.

Manual – 1.11

Apply these to a case?

Discuss how these four factors fit.

Danger – Counsellors at Work(30min)(Modified from the Living Wisdom Manual)

Dependency
Directional Extremes

Do I need to be directing or facilitating here? This question needs to be ringing in your ears when helping people.

How do you decide?

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What is your default?

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Where are you on the continuum by default?

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Directive --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Facilitative

What signs are there that you need to be more directive?

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What signs are there that you need to be more facilitative?

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What is a case where you didn’t have the balance right or that you have had to change tack?

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Too Vague from too much study.
Misguided advice
Projecting

What is a case where you had a clients story parallel your own journey?

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How did that affect the way you felt about your clients situation?

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How did that change the advice you gave them or the way you treated the situation?

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Colluding
Group Therapy
Scab Pulling
Treating Memories as Infallible

The Rescuer and the Victim 2.11a (40min)

Rescuer

Any person in a people helping industry will struggle with this topic. Our compassionate hearts don’t enjoy people in pain and we love to help. This is a gift but there is a shadow side to this strength.

The idea of the rescuer is relatively simple. It is repetitively doing for others what they can do and should do for themselves. The problem is usually in the application, and it is a matter of boundaries and capability. Who’s responsibility is this and are they capable at the moment?

Have you ever had a time when you wondered…is this my responsibility or theirs?

It is about under-functioning and over-functioning. If you always mow your neighbour’s lawn, why would they bother mowing it? However if they can’t mow their lawn is it still rescuing to mow it?

Motivation is where it gets tricky. Rescuing will sneak into your life and past the radar of common sense if you are helping primarily to fill an emotional need or avoid an old emotional bruise (UBF).

List the emotional needs this job fills for you.

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What emotional bruises (UBF’s) bully people into rescuing?

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How about you personally?

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What is the lie that sits under a rescuer mindset?

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Victim

There is one kind of person that will take up more of your time than any other person. What is it? The professional….Victim.

What is the difference between somebody who has been the victim of a situation and somebody who plays the victim?

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What makes them difficult to help?

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Why do they take up so much time?

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Rescuer --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Victim

Where do you play the victim in your life? (To help them you must first see it in yourself!)

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Who are you helping now that does this? What is the lie that is trapping them in this mindset?

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